How to Handle a Vague Feeling
Sometimes we know what the problem is. We know that a certain person or a certain situation gives us a certain feeling – like nervous, frustrated or just plain uncomfortable.
But sometimes we don’t know what the problem is or what sets it off, its all very vague and yet we know when we’ve got it. In these cases EFT can be helpful in uncovering the real issue as well as in clearing the emotional disturbance so that we can feel calm, think clearly and act resourcefully.
In an EFT workshop Rose said “I’m not sure if this is suitable for EFT but I just get this vague feeling of dread – I’ve got it now.” I asked Rose to come forward and she said she felt a heavy dread feeling in her stomach and had this feeling for as long as she could remember.
I don’t know
I asked her “when does it happen” and “what sets that off” and other questions looking for some external trigger and to all these detective’s questions she answered “I don’t know” or “there’s no pattern” but its when “something is about to happen”.
She couldn’t be more specific about when or where she would feel the dread and there didn’t seem to be any specific memories attached to it. So we just began tapping generally “Even though my stomach feels heavy dread and it’s so familiar, been with me so long, and even though dread is like an old companion, I hardly know dread at all.” After a couple of rounds Rose smiled, looked more relaxed and said that dread was softer and lighter. She still had no memory of how dread could have come to her and that her childhood was generally happy and her parents were still together after 40 years of marriage.
We continued tapping with, “Even though I don’t know how dread came to my stomach and maybe my deeper mind does not want me to know and I respect my deeper mind for that.” Then Rose looked surprised and said “I can see it so clearly, I’m standing at the top of the stairs and looking through the railings and in my pink nightdress, I must be about 3, and I can hear Mum and Dad downstairs shouting, screaming at each other, I’m scared because Mum and Dad never shout.”
So we tapped with “Even though I’m just a little, little girl in a pink nightdress, looking through the railings. And I’m scared because Mum and Dad are shouting and I don’t understand, and I’m here now and I’m OK” Rose looked calmer. She was now seeing the memory from an adult perspective.
Building a Reframe
So now we introduced a reframe. Notice how it builds one ‘truism’ at a time and how I check in with her at each step that the ‘truisms’ are true. A trusim is a short sentence that is undoubtably true. For example ‘today is Tuesday’ or ‘I am older now’.
“Now I’m older than Mum and Dad were then. True? Mum and Dad were young, younger than I am now and they were just learning about how to be married. True? Being married is quite a challenge. True? I know that now. They must have learned a lot because they got really good at being married. True? Maybe they weren’t so good at it then when I was three. True? Maybe that is how they learned to get good at it, by shouting at each other when they thought I was asleep”
Rose smiled and said “Both Mum and Dad were born before the war, Dad was a refugee and Mum’s parents were alcoholics. No one showed them how to be married.” She then chose to visualize giving the little girl in the pink nightdress a cuddle and taking her back to bed with some words of reassurance and guidance and showing her how to do tapping.
The dread was completely gone. Throughout the remainder of the day and the next day I tried to provoke her old dread by putting her on the spot or building up that “something is about to happen”. The dread could not be found.
Just start tapping
So when you can’t find a pattern or a trigger or a memory and you don’t know where to start with EFT – just start. Start with what’s there, the body feeling or the thought or the emotion and just keep tapping and you can both allow yourselves to be surprised.
With love, Gwyneth
How to Handle a “Vague Feeling” with EFT By Gwyneth Moss, EFT Master First published by Gary Craig, EFT Founder on www.emofree.com